Don't Destroy but Don't Coddle

From USA Today earlier this week a "surprising" story that the youngsters raised in the 80's and 90's, the product of a "self-esteem" generation crumble at the first sign of adversity or criticism. This whole problem could have been avoided if we had not embraced the concept of bolstering the self-esteem of kids.

Now before I start to get comments that I just want to make kids miserable, let me say that I believe that praising a child for a job well-done, a solid effort is a positive and should be done. But any failure is an opportunity for learning and parents and educators should take the opportunity to instruct the child. Criticism is important method of improving performance. "But empty praise — the kind showered on many kids years ago in the name of self-esteem — did more harm than good."

A little story from my own childhood may help. My father taught me how to play chess, a game we still enjoy playing together. However, as a kid, my father, would play to his level, which was more advanced than mine. As a result I would lose, often and regularly. But each time I lost, my dad taught me a lesson, about chess and about life. The chess lesson was easy. The life lesson was usually left unspoken, that no matter how well you do (and I improved over time) you can still fail. Failure is a part of life, what takes courage and real self-esteem is not thinking you are a failure, but realizing that you got beat and you need to learn a lesson and apply that lesson. Maybe the next time, you may win or lose, but you have to keep trying.

The Inflated Self-Esteem problem presented itself to me during college. One of my jobs during school was as a tutor at the writing center. I would tutor students, who allegedly came from strong academic backgrounds who had trouble putting together a coherent sentence, let alone a paragraph or entire paper. When I critiqued these papers, I would often get a response along the lines of "isn't that your opinion?" I suppose that in some respects it was, but good writing has objective factors like being able to spell or subject-verb agreement.

The degredation of the value of a bachelor's degree is a result more of self-esteem generation and their parents changing the way schooling is done. As my children age, I sincerely hope that they understand that failure is a part of life and you have to work hard to succeed, not just participate. I want my children to keep trying, even if they get knocked down, I have more pride is a child that doesn't quit, even after failure, than a child who thinks they are entitled to win.

USATODAY.com - Yep, life'll burst that self-esteem bubble